Yesterday I wrote about our tendency to view situations and decisions in the world as binary, and how the reality of the world is often more complex and nuanced than our decision making structures would suggest. Michael Bungay Stanier offers a way to get beyond binary views in his book The Coaching Habit. His solution is simply to ask the question, “And what else?” to get new ideas flowing and to break out of the simple this-or-that mentality that so many of us often stumble through.
In his book he writes, “…What would happen if you added just one more option: Should we do this? or This? or not? The results were startling. Having at least one more option lowered he failure rate by almost half, down to about 30 percent.
When you use, “And what else?” you’ll get more options and often better options. Better options lead to better decisions. Better decisions lead to greater success.”
As almost everything in Bungay Stanier’s book, his advice and research is geared around professional and business coaching situations, but the takeaways can be expanded upon and used in more areas of life. His research shows that businesses perform much better when they consider a third option and are willing to look beyond the binary perspective. It is reasonable to think that other areas of our life would improve if we became better at recognizing when we were in a binary mindset and asked ourselves if there was a different option or even if we didn’t have to make a decision at all. When we start to become more comfortable with slightly larger perspectives, by making a choice between three options rather than just two, we start to see that the world has more possibilities than we originally recognized, and we start to be able to live a little more flexibly. Recognizing that our vision is limited, especially if we only give ourselves two possibilities for how the world is shaped, is key for growth and learning. Asking what else is a first step to challenge our thoughts and begin to expand our worldview.
One of the things I try hard to stay away from is believing that any given situation is ever just a binary — a this or that, one thing or the other, situation. There is a lot of nuance in our lives and in almost any situation we have multiple options available to us that often exist on a continuum. Very rarely in our life is something either a yes or no decision and very rarely can anything be defined as a purely either/or option. Whether it is parenting styles, diets, exercise, politics, or cooking, we almost always live somewhere in a middle place defined by lots of gray. But this makes life complex, and our brain likes finding patterns, so we tend to reduce things to binaries to create simpler realities for our minds to sort out.
Michael Bungay Stanier looks at what this tendency of ours leads to in the world of business in his book The Coaching Habit and references research from Chip and Dan Heath in their book Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work. Their research looked at a business study from Paul Nutt who found that 71 percent of organizational decisions within a company were treated as binary, either this or that decisions. In the world of business, where a company needs to be competitive and make strategic decisions toward the future, nearly three fourths of all decisions were approached simply yes or no questions, cutting out middle ground options and narrowing the choices and potential alternatives available to managers and leadership. Bungay Stanier continues to quote the research from Nutt in Chip and Dan Heath’s book by saying that teenagers make decisions based on binaries at roughly equivalent levels.
To make better decisions in our lives we have to recognize that the world is not black and white. Someone is not either good or evil. Any given thing is never 100% perfect or terrible and we need to approach the world with much more nuance for real decisions, actions, and outcomes to make sense. If we fail to make broader considerations and look at more options, then we limit the possibilities around ourselves. Our decision making will be reduced if we chose to see the world and our next steps as either/or decisions and we won’t develop an accurate picture of the world around us. This is a challenging way to approach the world, and we sound less sure of ourselves, but we develop a more reasonable and compassionate view of other people and events in the world when we can live with more nuance and avoid the temptation to reduce everything to binaries.
Throughout the book Considerations author Colin Wright focuses on the importance of gaining perspective and building new perspectives into your personal philosophy. Across every area of life that Wright addresses he highlights the importance of your perspective and awareness, and what benefits come from greater perspectives.
When addressing world views and our influences, Wright expands the importance of perspective to consider how we should think about the ideas of others. He explains that our own thoughts and ideas are not completely independent of the thoughts and ideas of others since we are shaped from the time we are born by media, society, our parents, and experiences. Each of these factors impacts the way we interpret the world, shaping our thoughts and feelings. Wright continues to explain that as we get older and take in more media or gain experiences, these ideas become more independent of others, and become more unique. He pulls in the idea of perspective by explaining that we cannot judge the decisions of others based on our perspective and world views for no one else can be expected to share our ideas, thoughts, and experiences.
Wright argues that once we understand the influence of our own ideas we can better relate and connect with others. In his mind it is important to give up the idea that we are solely in control of our thoughts, actions, and perspectives, “we need to be aware that our view of the world is filtered through overlapping lenses made up of different influences. These lenses are so effective that you and I could see the exact same car accident and perceive it in different ways.” All of the experiences we have and everything that shapes our thoughts and expectations become the lenses through which we see the world. We cannot always perceive what is shaping our perception, but it is important to know that we are driven in certain directions for reasons we cannot always control. Being aware of this helps us to make better decisions.
When Wright expands this idea beyond ourselves toward others, he shows how important it is not to judge others or think less of them for their thoughts or actions. It is very difficult, especially with people we do not like, to pause and consider their background and what may be shaping their decisions and ideas. However, if we can pause and think about why others have adopted their worldview, we can better understand their decisions and have meaningful conversation with them which will help us adopt new perspectives.