Tag: fear

That Brilliant Idea

Posted on by jabittan
Colin Wright writes about getting great ideas out of our head and into the world in his book Considerations, and he hits on all of the roadblocks that  keep our ideas locked away in our imagination.  He addresses the fear we have with bringing our ideas out of our mind and into the world to understand why so many great ideas never materialize.  When I first read through his book I highlighted a section reading, “…scared that perhaps our secret gift for money-making/cancer-curing/potato-chip-flavoring isn’t a gift at all, but just our own arrogance convincing us that we’re something special, when we’re not.”  I highlighted this section because it shows how easily in our minds we can begin to over inflate ourselves thinking we are special and amazing even though we have not accomplished anything.  That is not to say that the only value and measure of our worth is in our accomplishments, but it takes a level of self awareness to see that we are not special simply for having good ideas, or simply because we like the way we think. What can make us great, standout, and feel a level of accomplishment is taking the ideas we have and building upon them. Once we get those ideas out into the world and start working to actualize our thoughts, the special magic flows.

 

Wright addresses why our brilliant ideas often times stay locked in our heads, “The problem with great ideas is that they feel very valuable, and as such are something we want to protect … Part of why we do this is that we’re very proud of ourselves when we have good ideas, part is that we don’t want a competitor equipped with full financial-backing to steal it before we’re ready to act, and part is that we’re scared.”  With my own ideas I have faced all of these challenges.  I am often afraid of acting on my ideas because they may require additional work for me and that I spend extra time focusing on creating my idea rather than lazy leisure activities.  The fear of extra work and difficult challenges is a fear that I have yet to truly confront and overcome, but it is one that I believe I can change with a certain amount of self-awareness.

 

Wright also addresses the idea that another person may steal our idea before it is ready, which makes many of us think that it is better not to discuss our idea with people.  This fallacy can be damaging because it limits our ability to find those who could help us. When we are afraid of telling others about our idea then we miss an opportunity to have someone connect us with other people who can help us, and we miss a chance to have another person’s perspective on our plan. What we may find when we tell as many people about our idea as possible is that there are holes in our plan that other innovators can help us bridge in creative ways.

 

Wright offers one other thought on ideas and why we lock them away in our mind. He believes that we are often too enamored with our idea to let others poke holes in our theories. He states, “…scared that the idea might not be as good as it seems in the variable-less vacuums of our brains.” In our own minds we cannot see the shortcomings of our ideas, or perhaps we just chose not to see the weaknesses of our thoughts. Locked away in our own mind, the idea is pristine and perfect, but once we begin to tell others about our plan it is in danger of being ripped open.  Successful entrepreneurs would tell us that having others challenge aspects of our ideas is a crucial part of success, but on an individual level this can seem to be too much of a threat.

 

Wright encourages us to overcome this anxiety and fear by looking for abundance. Expecting that we will have more great ideas, better opportunities, and more chances to work on ideas in the future can help us feel more comfortable as we begin to develop our ideas. Seeing the success or failure of any idea as a stepping stone makes it seem smaller, reducing the gravity of a potential failure.  If we can approach an idea as a chance to grow, knowing that we will have an abundance of opportunities to act on another ideas or fit in with an existing idea in the future, then we are not paralyzed by the fear of executing an idea.

Don’t Be Afraid

Posted on by jabittan
I have thought a lot about fear recently, and revisiting the sections I highlighted when I read James Harmon’s book, Take My Advice, has helped me approach fear from multiple perspectives.  In Harmon’s book the photographer Horst writes, “Don’t be afraid. One learns through pain, and suffering.  Patience helps!” His quote explains his thoughts on the difficult and painful parts of life that we all strive to avoid.
What I have come to notice with failure is that I am not afraid of the act of failing at something, but I am afraid of the consequences that follow failure.  I think this is an important distinction to make.  I am not afraid of what I can control with a given situation and its result, but I am afraid of the consequences that will follow in the form of other people’s reactions to my failure.  On a second and deeper level, I am for some reason, afraid of hard work. Whenever I get a great idea in my head I can go crazy with what I want to do and how fun it would be to actualize my idea, but then the realization of how much work it will take often paralyzes me.  I have no problem working hard, I graduated Cum Laude, but the idea of additional work in an already busy life becomes overwhelming.
I think that Horst would advocate for me to have patience and plan my goals out over a long time so that the work becomes less daunting.  The problem I have with this idea is the fear of working hard with something, only to find out halfway or two thirds of the way to my goal, that I want something else.  I don’t want my hard work to accidentally steer me away from what I want and into something I had not intended.  Patience and a long term goal in this sense can be something to fear itself.
Richard Wiseman in his book, 59 Seconds: Think a Little Change a Lot, does offer a solution to this dilemma.  Wiseman reviewed popular self-help and advice books to see if any of their suggestions had real scientific backing.  What he found in conquering fear and chasing goals is that those who journal are more likely to reach their long term goals.  He would combine Horst’s idea of patience with a level of self-awareness. Wiseman’s advice is to be honest about what you want and why, and then examine what you could to do get where you want to go. Along the way everyone will face obstacles, and Wiseman says that spending time journaling about how you will overcome those obstacles will help you understand the difficult parts and plan ahead. This way, when you do hit periods of turbulence and hard work, you don’t need to be afraid. Instead of fear of hard work, I can journal to understand what kinds of hard work I can expect and how I will solve problems to mitigate the hard work.  This focus can give me more confidence and reduce the fear of consequences and the fear of hard work.

Confidence

Posted on by jabittan
I love this quote by Allison Vesterfelt in her book Packing Light because it aligns so well with many of my own thoughts about the future.  I have a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities, but it is impossible for me to predict what the future will be like for me.  When I do start to look to the future I become anxious because I create this future where I am living a certain life style and a job that I am always happy with.  No matter what, envisioning my future makes me nervous because it sets these expectations form my future, and I am not sure that the future I actually arrive at will look the way I imagine. That brings me to the quote from Vesterfelt, “Don’t try to imagine it, just know it will come.”
When I look at people around me and remind myself that I can work hard, am good at reaching out and meeting people, and can build connections, my confidence grows and I begin to feel like I can reach any goal l want.  It is in this space where I know that I will reach a level of success that I desire. I am confident enough to believe that I will be able to achieve a lifestyle that I enjoy, and will be able to live a “happy” life.
However, at times simply having this confidence is not enough. As soon as I have those feelings of confidence, my future visions rush in bringing with them unreasonable expectations and fear. My visions of the future lock me in to a specific set of outcomes, and make me feel limited and like a failure if I do not reach those outcomes. What Vesterfelt’s quote has taught me is that I can have confidence and look forwards to the future without having to micromanage each piece to reach certain outcomes. I can simply enjoy the space where I am confident that my future will bring good things if I continue to be myself. Rather than focusing on a future where I am happy because of things that I have or job titles I have reached, I can focus on the skills I am developing now, and the small steps that I can take each day that I know will help build the life I want in the future. After that the next step is just getting out of my own way, and allowing the opportunities to come without trying to force my life in a specific direction.

Chaos and the Unknown vs the Mundane and Predictable

Posted on by jabittan
A constant tension in my life is summed up by Allison Vesterfelt in her book Packing Light, “As scared as I was of chaos and the unknown, I was equally scared of the mundane and predictable.” By the time I was half way through college I began to feel a serious angst when looking forwards to my future. The fear I was developing was the fear of boredom. I did not want to live a life with a routine that did not excite me. I was afraid of being stuck in front of the television each night watching sitcoms or sports. I was afraid of doing the same thing every day. I was afraid of not exploring the world, and missing the chance to truly live. At the same time that I was wrapped up in fears of not having a life that I enjoyed, I wanted nothing more than the security of the predictable; to be comfortable in a nice house with a nice job, a nice salary, and no stress.
I was not sure what I needed to do to find a way to live a life that fell in the middle of my two fears.  As a sophomore in college I was active with coaching cross country and some basketball, and I was getting great grades in school, but I was not a complete person, and I was not sure what direction I wanted my life to move in.  I began to question my desires, and worry about the importance of material things in the absence of real relationships and fun people to share my imagined success with.  I eventually began to take more chances and I got involved with clubs and organizations. I started as a member of the Spanish Club and eventually grew to start my own podcast where I interviewed student leaders to highlight the cool things that students at the University of Nevada were active in beyond the classroom. This taught me about how important it was to take chances and put yourself in situations that are new and scary. All of the guests of my podcast found a way to go beyond the comfortable success they wanted in college to do things that were difficult, not always clear, and so often rich with relationships and new connections.
As I have moved forwards graduating from college and entering the world of the 40 hour work week, I am still working on understanding how to live a life that balances the chaos of the unknown with the mundane and familiar.  I have turned to podcasts to help me explore new areas, and have put myself in positions that will provide me with opportunities to explore. The real lesson that I have learned is that it is ok to allow myself to build a safe place and a home that can be predictable, so that when I do begin to branch out and explore, I have a place to return to, allowing the world to slow down around me.

Fear & Goals

Posted on by jabittan
“After all, we’re all scared of wanting something.” I think this quote from Allison Vesterfelt is a good place for us to base our views of ourselves and others.  Too often I find that it is easy for me to look at other people and ignore the fact that they want something, an object, a promotion, to be in better shape, or to be more confident, and think of them as self content bubbles without goals or motivation. I think that it is important for us to look at the things that scare us, and ask why we are afraid of those things. Are they things we desire but are not sure how to take the first step towards action? Are they things we desire but are afraid to tell others we want? Are they things we desire but we fear that they do not fit in with the identity that we have created for ourselves?
Understanding your own fear of attaining something, and identifying the ways in which that fear lacks a true base can help you overcome it. You may find that the fear does not go away, but that you find a new way to be confident about your goals because you know that the fear you bring with you is irrational and can be overcome.
This quote also helps me see other people in better ways. I try hard to look at someone and see that they have interests in certain areas and goals and desires related to those interests. Perhaps once one masters that, they begin to be the person who can help connect people with the paths towards their goals and desires, I do not know because I am not at that point.  For me, understanding the fear that I have and how it affects me, helps me to remember that other people may face the same or greater fears, and once I understand the base of my fear I can better see that the fear that other people have may be based on something more concrete than the anxious worries of my fear.

Starting Something & Feeling Overwhelmed

Posted on by jabittan
It is so perfect that this quote resurfaces for me right now. Just six pages after I made the highlight which I discussed in my previous post I highlighted a section from Allison Vesterfelt’s book Packing Light which read, “It’s just one little baby step at a time,” she continued. “If you try to figure out how to do everything, all at once, you’ll get overwhelmed.” in this passage she is referring to her friend who convinced her to go on a life altering road trip and explore her writing talents. Leading up to the trip Allison was very nervous, and not sure where to start, what to say goodbye to in order to go on the trip, and what she expected from the trip. This quote really works perfectly for me because I feel as though I have so many expectations for success, my life, and the person I want to be, that at times I become overwhelmed. I want to be a successful runner, a consistent podcaster, and a good boyfriend all while working full time. This is an incredible undertaking for someone who has just graduated, and I think I need to hear this message more often.
For me another powerful piece of advice has been simply to allow things to take longer. My running coach recently said to me after an achilles tendon injury, “You’re not going to the Olympics, so you have no reason not to take some time off and let things recover.” That piece of advice has combined with others in my head from other books and podcasts, to help me understand that I need to remove the pressure to be great immediately. I can allow everything to be a process, and allow myself to have times where I start back at square one to build a solid base and foundation in areas of my life that I want to be complete.
Allison explained this advice as a way to help you take the first step, avoid the fear of the unknown and starting something different, and try doing something new in your life. I think what I have combined with this advice is that your action can be small, and even seem inconsequential at first, if you understand that one day it will be a building block to your own pyramid, tower, or peak of what you want.